Lost & Found: A FanFic Spoof
by partypants08
Summary: YO YO YIGGITY YO! CHAPTER 6 IS NOW UP! Sort-of sequel to "Flightless Nerd". Have you ever noticed how most fanfics have the same variety of plotlines in different stories? Here's another House spoof that puts these plotlines in ONE story. Review, please!
1. Chapter 1

_**So, I've finished "Flightless Nerd" & still have time to kill. What do I do? A FanFic spoof. I just need everyone to know a couple of things:**_

_**1) I'm not taking any plot line from a SPECIFIC FanFic, so please don't send me nasty comments claiming that I'm "stealing" your ideas. I'm not STEALING. I'm MAKING FUN of them. Totally different.**_

_**2) If I MAKE FUN (and not STEAL) of the plot line you happen to choose, don't be angry-be honored that I took the time to read & enjoy your story. **_

_**3) PoSiTiVe Reviews are greatly appreciated**_

_**4) I don't own House. If I did, House & Cuddy would totally be shacking up together as we speak. In TV life, I mean. Yeah.**_

_Scene 1: DDX Room_

_House, Wilson, Cuddy, Foreman, 13, Taub, Cameron & Chase are in the room. The senior doctors have a proposition for the ducklings _

**Cuddy:** Why did you call this impromptu meeting, House?

**House:** I know this is going to sound crazy, but I am crazy so it's all good. Wilson & I made a music video to ask you guys a question.

**Wilson:** Just bear with us.

**House:** They won't have to bear with anything! They're going to love it!

**Cuddy:** Boys, just get to it.

**Wilson:** no problemo, senora BOSS! Hit it, Foreman.

_*Foreman turns on the overhead projector, which shows House & Wilson on a boat, wearing pimp costumes and surrounded by women in bikinis. House has exchanged his everyday cane for a pimp cane, while Wilson has a grill and a pimp hat*_

_**The Video**_

Boats 'n' hoes, boats 'n' hoes, I gotta have me my boats 'n' hoes

Boats 'n' hoes, boats 'n' hoes, I gotta have me my boats 'n' hoes

**House:** the Nina, the Pinta, the Santa maria!

**Wilson:** I'll cure your cancer while you're drankin' orange Fanta

**House:** Reubens, Jack Daniels, on my new boat!

**Wilson:** I gotta cure cancer so that I can gloat

**House:** We wanna go 'round the world sailing port to port

**Wilson:** And when patients are cured, House will (eventually) go to court

**House:** Put on your life vest, let's drop anchor

**Wilson:** Hey, there's a nice nurse, I'd like to spank her!

**House:** I'm the deadliest catch, without the crabs, and all I want to do is touch Cuddy's ass!

**Wilson:** I'm the cancer doctor my name is James Wilson, don't be fooled, I'm prettier than Rachel Bilson

**House:** Pull up the anchor 'cuz we're leaving dry land

**Wilson:** and we're not leaving without an Emmy in our hands

_*camera points to a woman in a bikini*_

Boats 'n' hoes, boats 'n' hoes, I gotta have me my boats 'n' hoes

Boats 'n' hoes, boats 'n' hoes, I gotta have me my boats 'n' hoes

**Cameron:** ZOMGWTFBBQ, THAT'S CUDDY!

**Chase:** That's hot.

_**End of the video**_

_*everyone looks confused*_

**Cuddy:** HOUSE, YOU ASSHOLE! You told me this video was for my "Real World" application!

**House:** Surprise! We're going a week-long medical conference/cruise to Jamaica!

**Cuddy:** Are you out of your mind, House? I have a hospital to run and a child to raise. I can't just hop on a cruise anytime I want to.

**Cameron:** I have an ER to run

**Chase:** I have unnecessary surgeries to do, mate.

**Wilson:** _*sighs*_ don't you guys ever read fanfiction?

_*everyone mumbles 'no'*_

**Wilson:** _*epic sigh*_ okay, lemme give you a rundown. In most fanfics, you guys don't really have jobs that tie you down, and Cuddy, you never have a kid; you just drop and GO wherever the hell you want to.

**Cameron:** Really?!

**Wilson:** Mmhmm. You know what else happens in fanfics, right?

**House:** uh, we all get hammered?

**Wilson:** Yeah, but everyone eventually gives into their sexual tension when some complication arises.

**Thirteen:** What kind of complication are you talking about, Wilson? Like, an affair with a hot cruise attendant? *goes off into her own world*

**Foreman:** Earth to Thirteen….THIRTEEN! *slaps her silly*

**Thirteen:** Sorry :(

**Wilson:** Sometimes there's an affair with a hot new person. Sometimes it's an old flame, like STACY…

**Cuddy:** That bitch!

**Cameron:** Skank.

**Chase:** Whore.

**House:** SLLLLLUT!

**13:** Who's Stacy & where do I get her number?

**Wilson:** …and then there are other unforeseen circumstances that arise in these situations. For instance, we could get trapped on a deserted island in which we're all forced to confront our inner demons or desires before we're rescued

**Cuddy:** Sounds interesting

**Wilson:** …and then we have to deal with the consequences of our actions from being deserted after we're saved. Or, y'know, we could just get totally hammered on the boat, or on the plane to the boat, and say things that we've buried deep down inside of us which leads to sweet bonding, touchy-feely moments.

**House:** What kind of touchy-feely moments, exactly?

**Taub:** Ew, gross.

**Wilson:** look, all I'm saying is that the opportunities are totally endless. We can change the course of our entire lives by one simple action in the fanfic world.

**Chase:** Crikey, mate, that was really insightful.

**Wilson:** Thanks, Chase.

**Taub:** What about the hospital? Our jobs?

**Wilson:** Same thing. Everything that is important in the real world, like jobs & bills are completely irrelevant.

**13:** Sweet!

**House:** So, are you guys ready to go on that cruise, get hammered, and deal with our inner demons in a humorous fashion?

**Cuddy:** Hell, yeah. Let's do it!

**Chase:** I agree, mate.

_*everyone mumbles in agreement*_

**House:** Good, because we're leaving first thing in the morning. We'll all meet at the airport that leaves to Houston tomorrow at 8AM. From there, we'll drive to Galveston where our cruise ship will leave. Be there, or be bludgeoned to death with my flame cane, yo.

**Chase:** Crikey, we're flying to Texas? Yee-haw!

**Cuddy:** Chase, shut the hell up.

**_Reviews are love 3_**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Thanks for the reviews so far! I'm glad to see I haven't made everyone mad by making a FanFiction spoof. By the way: I'm from Texas, so I know what I'm talking about when I slam the Texan stereotypes. Mwah-ha.**_

_**Oh, right—I own nothing. Why do people mention this? If I owned House, do you think I'd be writing SPOOF?! NO! I'd be writing a very romantic scene in which House & Cuddy make out in each scene and the team do diagnoses in song. Wilson would also say 'carpe diem' a lot and recite lines from "Dead Poets Society". Haha.**_

**_WARNING: a few f-bombs in this chapter for the, uh, profanity efficient._**

Scene 2: Airplane to Houston!

_Everyone is on a plane to Houston, Texas and is seated in first class. House has a window seat and Cuddy is sitting next to him. Beside her is Wilson, then Cameron, then Chase, Foreman, Thirteen & Taub._

**Chase:** _*wearing a cowboy outfit*_ I'm on a plane, y'all! YEE-HAW!

**House:** Wow, Chase, you really don't know what the hell you're talking about.

**Chase:** We're going to Texas, mate. They say "yee-haw" there.

**House:** No, they don't.

**Taub:** How do you know? Oh, lemme guess. You lived in Texas for years as a professional bull rider, right?

**House:** No, I lived in Texas for a couple of years as a rodeo clown. God, get your facts straight.

**Taub:** Whatev—

_*Samuel_ _L. Jackson walks on the plane*_

**Jackson:** I'm so tired of these motha fuckin snakes on this motha fuckin plane!

**Thirteen:** OMGOSH, THERE ARE SNAKES ON THE PLANE? _*runs away and runs into the door that separated first class from coach. She passes out.*_

**Cuddy:** Huh? No way. There aren't any snakes on the—

**Jackson:** I JUST SAID—I'M SO TIRED OF THESE MOTHA FUCKIN SNAKES ON THIS MOTHA FUCKIN PLANE!

**House:** What the hell? I'm supposed to be the only person having hallucinations on this plane.

**Wilson:** Would someone please shut him up?

**Cameron:** Ooh, can I pet the wittle snakes?

**Flight Attendant on Intercom:** Attention ladies and gentlemen. We will be heading into some unexpected turbulence soon, so please buckle your seatbelts. I'd also like to ask out-of-work actors to please stop talking about motha fuckin snakes on this motha fuckin plane. Thank you for flying with US Planes; enjoy the rest of your bumpy motha fuckin ride.

**Cuddy: **See? Told you there weren't any snakes on the plane

**Cameron: **I wanted to pet them… _*runs to the bathroom crying*_

**Chase**: Honey, you can't pet snakes on a plane. You need to get back here in case of turbulence—oh, hold on, I'm coming _*Chase runs after Cameron*_

**Foreman: **Looks like someone's fixing to join the mile-high club.

**Taub:** Oh please, they totally do it in the janitor's closet all the time; I'm sure they're both members of the mile-high club. Say, do you know if you get a jacket for joining or something…?

**Wilson: **Why can't I ever have sex with a woman who WON'T die?

**House:** Because you're complicated. Now shut up and lemme listen to my iPod.

_*House blasts his iPod and begins listening to "Perfect Song For a Plane Crash". Suddenly, turbulence begins to pick up*  
_  
**Cuddy:** Oh my god! I'm gonna dieeee!

**House:** Awh, is widdle Cuddy scared of the bumpy wide? _*turns up the volume to his song*_

_*Cuddy nods her head while gripping his hand which is laying on the armrest*_

**Wilson:** Uh, you're aware you're totally going to hold hands, right?

**Cuddy:** And why would we do that?

**House:** Duh, Cuddy! We have to give into our sexual tension at times when we feel endangered or something.

**Cuddy:** Hm, guess you're right.

_*Cuddy takes a grip on House's hand when a random girl appears from the aisle behind*  
_  
**Random Huddy Fangirl:** SQUEEEEEE! OMG, you want to kiss her right now, don't you House?

**Random Hameron:** Shut up! House & Cameron are totally meant to be together!

**Random Huddy**: No way, dude. Chase & Cameron are sooooo having sex right now. House & Cuddy will be having sex on the deserted island—I mean, soon.

**Hameron:** Hah, in your dreams.

**Huddy**: We'll just see what Wilson has to say about this. Wilson, what do you think?

_*everyone on the plane turns to Wilson*_

**Wilson:** All I can say is……giggity. You could cut this sexual tension with a knife.

**Huddy:** YESSS! Thank you Wilson!

_*Turbulence ends. Cuddy blushes furiously while pulling her hand away from House. They stare at each other for about 5 seconds and then look away.*_

**Cuddy:** I, um—I think I'm going to go to the bathroom now.

**House:** YES!

**Cuddy:** I meant, I'm actually going to the bathroom—without you. I've already got my mile-high club membership card _*pulls out a Pussycat Dolls CD*_ Where's yours?

**House:** Left it in my pair of leather chaps. By the way Wilson, I want those back.

**Wilson:** _*looks confused*_

_Meanwhile, in the airplane bathroom, Chase has finally calmed Cameron down…_

**Chase:** Sooo….

**Cameron:** Sooo…

**Chase:** You wanna….y'know?

**Cameron:** Uh, no thanks.

**Chase:** Why not, mate? Crikey!

**Cameron:** First off, PartyPants is NOT cool with writing what people call 'smut'. It's just not her bag, baby. I've also decided to break up with you.

**Chase:** Whaaa?!

**Cameron:** Sorry, pretty boy, but you're just not enough for me.

**Chase:** But…but…I have gorgeous hair, gorgeous eyes, and a gorgeous Australian accent!

**Cameron:** Don't you see?! I need someone who is far from perfect as possible! I need a drug-addicted, pain-riddled man who's twice my age.

**Chase:** Wait, wait. Lemme think.

_*Jeopardy theme plays & ends*_

**Chase:** I got it! You're in love with Gary Busey? God, his teeth are creeeeeeepppy!

**Cameron:** No, you gorgeous idiot! I have to try to win House over while we're at this conference thing. I still love him, even though I know it's never going to happen. Shoot, the date we went on was blackmail.

**Chase:** _*nods*_ Well, you know he loves Cuddy, right?

**Cameron:** I'm willing to look past that.

**Chase:** No, no, he doesn't want to sleep with her! Okay, he does, but he actually has REAL feelings for her; something he doesn't have for you. He'll never love you the way I do.

**Cameron:** I don't believe you. He loves me. He just doesn't know it yet because he hides his emotions.

**Chase:** Riiiiiight. Well, I'm going back to my seat now. Have fun trying to make House fall in love with you

_*Cameron watches Chase leave, and sees House & Cuddy holding hands and then not holding hands. She leaves as she sees Cuddy heading towards the bathroom*_

**Cameron** *to herself*: Ohh yeah, I definitely will!

**Flight Attendant:**Attention all passengers: we will be arriving in Houston, Texas in just a few moments. The temperature is currently—well, it's just really freaking hot out there. Please return to your seats and buckle up for safety! Thank you for flying with US Planes, and please fly with us again.

_**Review, por favor!**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Wow, I have had a lot more reviews from this spoof (at this point of the story, I mean) than on "Flightless Nerd". Yay!! "Flightless Nerd" was my (and my roomie's) first brainchild, so you should definitely check it out. That said….let's go to the story! Of course, I have to mention that….**_

…_**.I own nothing. Why do people mention this? If I owned House, do you think I'd be writing SPOOF?! NO! I'd be writing a very romantic scene in which House & Cuddy make out in each scene and the team do diagnoses in song. Wilson would also say 'carpe diem' a lot and recite lines from "Dead Poets Society". Haha.**_

Scene 3: Boat Trip

_Finally, after an adventurous plane ride, the cast is boarding their cruise ship in Galveston, TX_

**House**: WE'RE FINALLY HEREEEE!_ *leans down to kiss the ground*_

**Wilson:** Oh my god, House. The drive wasn't THAT long.

**House:** Yeah it was, because Cuddy was driving like, 5 miles an hour!

**Cuddy:** I was NOT!

**Foreman:** You were kind of going slow on the roads, Cuddy.

**Cuddy:** Well _excuuuse_ me for trying to get us to the cruise safely.

**Chase:** Crikey, did you guys see that guy who flipped us off? That was hilarious, mates!

**Thirteen:** Which one? I think we got flipped off 10 times in Galveston alone.

**Taub:** Will you guys shut up? The cruise is going to leave us behind if we don't get moving.

_*points to the cruise ship with a super short line*_

**Cameron:** Let's go!

_*everyone heads to the entry, and they see someone unexpected taking tickets*_

**Paris Hilton *holding a dog***: Hi, Sparkles and I would like to welcome you to the _Maiden Princess_ where all of your dreams will come true and stuff

**House, Wilson, Chase, Taub and even Foreman & 13**: OH MY GOD IT'S PARIS!

**Paris:** Yeah, whatever. Just give me your tickets so I can go party on the boat.

**Cameron:** What are you doing here, Paris? I don't mean to offend you, but…you're rich, hon.

**Paris:** Yeah, I totally am, but my parents told me I needed to do this cruise thingy for publicity or something and that if I didn't, they'd only leave me $1 million in my trust fund. Ugh, so cruel.

**House:** Riight. Well, erm, I liked your movie…do you think you can sign it for me?

_*pulls out the infamous sex tape cover*_

**Paris:** Sure, that's hot. _*signs*_

**Cuddy:** oookkay, let's get a move on, boys.

**Paris:** _*picks up a ringing cell phone and answers it, then hangs up*_ Hold it, boss lady.

**House:** LOL

**Paris:** The cruise director just infomercial—no, wait, infermed? *_pulls out a 'Hoked on Fonicks' book*_

**Foreman:** informed, you idiot.

**Paris:** Whatever. He told me that there's been a mistake in booking or something.

**Wilson:** What do you mean a mistake in booking? Damnit House, I thought you had already made the arrangements!

**House:** I did! I booked 8 ocean-view rooms for the medical conference!

**Paris:** Oh my god, I think they overbooked or something. Here comes one of the cruise directors right now. Hey, Keanu!

_*Keanu Reeves comes towards Paris*_

**Keanu:** Hey dudes! I'm Keanu! What can I like, do for you guys today?

**Cuddy:** It seems as if we've been overbooked?

**Keanu:** Ohh, bummer dude. Well, I'm señor arts director dude, and I have a list of the fellow dudes on this cruise. What's your name?

**House:** The reservations are under Dr. Gregory House.

**Keanu:** Wow, you're a doctor? Sweeeeet. You've got a hot girlfriend, too _*points to Cuddy*_

**House:** _*stuttering* _Er, well, she's not—

**Cuddy: **_*****__blushing* _I'm not his girlfriend.

**Keanu:** Awesome! You wanna have dinner tonight?

**House:** No, she doesn't. She's not my girlfriend, she's my FIANCEE!

**Cameron:** WHAAA?! Hey, I'm hot too!!

**Cuddy:** _*looks to House confused*_ Uhh, what?

**House:** Yeah, honey, remember? _*to Keanu*_ I just proposed to her last night..she had a little too much celebration going on last night, and not just in her pants

**Cuddy:** HOUSE!

**Keanu:** Whatever, dudes. I have you guys moved into sharing 4 suites instead of the 8 rooms. Dr. House is with Lisa Cuddles _*insert Cameron's emo face here*_, Jimmy Bond is with Allison Camerooon, Roberto Chase is with Thirteen Thirtyone (because she likes it both ways) and Boob Tube is with Eric Foreplay

**Taub:** What's with the lame aliases?

**House**: I got bored.

**Cameron:** Oh my god, is there any way you can change this?

**Keanu:** No can do, dudette. The cruise is leaving, so you're stuck. Sorry :(

**House:** Awh, Cuddles, you don't want to play "hide the cane" with me tonight?

**Cuddy:** Shut it, House.

**Wilson:** Look, I don't like this either, but we just gotta live with it. It's only for a few days, right?

_*everyone mumbles in agreement*_

**Wilson:** All right. Now, let's get settled into our rooms and get ready for dinner. It's formal night tonight, so we need to look pimptastic. Should we meet in the dining hall at about, oh, six o'clock?

**Cuddy:** Yeah, sounds fine.

**Wilson:** Okay. See you then!

_*everyone heads to their respective rooms*_

_**So I know this is kind of a short, dull chapter, but it was just something to keep y'all entertained until I have the next chapter up. Why? Some cool things are happening in the next chapter & this one was kind of a transition. Stay tuned & review!**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**I think I should mention that there will be Cameron-bashing in this chapter—okay, the entire story. It's not that I dislike her; she's just fun to mess with, especially because of her puppy-dog crush on House. You know who I hate? STACY (*cough* Skank! *cough*). But she does bring good drama. Anyway….**_

…_**.I own nothing. Why do people mention this? If I owned House, do you think I'd be writing SPOOF?! NO! I'd be writing a very romantic scene in which House & Cuddy make out in each scene and the team do diagnoses in song. Wilson would also say 'carpe diem' a lot and recite lines from "Dead Poets Society". Haha.**_

Chapter 4: I'm On a Boat, Don't You Ever Forget!

_Wilson & Cameron are by the dining hall, waiting on everyone else to get there._

**Wilson: **_*epic sigh*_ where in the hell is everyone? I told everyone to meet here at six, and it is six-oh-five! We've been waiting here forever.

**Cameron:** House is probably postponing the inevitable—we're soo going to hook up tonight.

**Wilson:** Are you serious? House loves Cuddy, hon. Not you.

**Cameron: **Why do people keep saying that? He's in love with me!

**Wilson:** Look Allison, I think you're a really good person; you were there for me with Amber died, and I'll always appreciate that. But what I'm about to tell you is being told with all of the love in the world—House. Loves. Cuddy. You. Idiot.

**Cameron:** Sorry James, but I think you're wrong. You'll see.

**Wilson:** I don't think I'm wrong this time, I think you'll end up getting hurt in the end.

**Cameron: **It doesn't matter. If I have to get hurt in order for him to admit his love for me, then that's the price I have to pay.

**Wilson:** Then the price is WRONG, bitch!

_*Taub, Chase & Foreman finally show up in tuxedos*_

**Cameron: **Wow, you guys look nice. Where have you been? It's 6:07!

**Taub: **Chillax, woman! We were, uh….

**Chase:**…looking at some hot babes on the cruise, mate

**Foreman:** Er, yeah, okay.

**Wilson: **Whatever. Have you guys seen House & Cuddy? What about Thirteen?

**Foreman: **Thirteen had a little bit too much fun on the cruise…

_**FLASHBACK: Thirteen is walking on the cruise deck outside when she gets an idea…**_

**Thirteen:** Finally, I'm alone! I've tricked everyone into thinking that I'm over my Twilight addiction. It was so easy! Ooh, I know what to do. I'll jump into the ocean and Edward will save me; then I can bring him back and show everyone that he IS real!

_*jumps into the Gulf of Mexico*_

_**END FLASHBACK**_

**Cameron:** Uhhh, WHAT?

**Wilson:** Thirteen is over her Twilight addiction. She's had two stints Twilight Fangirls Anonymous!

**Chase:** I guess it wasn't enough, mate.

_*Cuddy finally arrives, dragging House, dressed in a tux, behind her*_

**Wilson:** Finally, you guys made it!

**Cuddy:** Yeah, well, House tried to make things difficult for me by taking my suitcase and hiding my clothes in various places around the ship

**House**: Lighten up, it was just a fun game of Hide & Seek!

**Cuddy: **You didn't have to hide my panties in your pants, House.

**House:** I was just spicing things up a little…

**Cuddy:** Anyway, I finally found everything, and got dressed. Then I had to get him dressed.

**Wilson:** Had to GET him dressed, huh?

**Cuddy:** Keep dreaming, James. I just blackmailed him into going.

**House:** JUST BLACKMAILED? Jimmy, she threatened to throw my Paris sex tape overboard. She dangled it over the balcony until I had the tux on.

**Cuddy: **We're here now. Let's just enjoy the dinner, shall we?

**House: **With the twins coming out to play in that dress, I'll enjoy anything this dinner throws at us

_*insert Cameron sad face here* _

**Cameron:** Can we skip the bad soap opera sexual tension & go inside already? I'm starving!

**Wilson:** OMG Cameron, this isn't a soap opera! We're very important, dramatic doctors, damnit, and we're not "Grey's Anatomy"! But I'm starving too, and I don't feel like arguing with you right now, so let's go inside.

_*everyone agrees and walks inside. They are seated and order their random food that no one cares about*_

**Taub**: Hm, I wonder who the singer is going to be tonight. I'm hoping it's Cher.

**House:** You would.

**Taub: **Bite me.

**Chase:** Shhh, it's starting!

**Announcer:** And now, ladies and gentlemen, introducing tonight's singer—from "American Idol", here's SANJAYA!

**Taub**: YAY SANJAYA!!!

**House:** Oh my God, I'm leaving.

*_Sanjaya begins singing off-key_*

**Sanjaya:** I'm not gayyyyyyy/and neither is Ryan Seacrest…..

**Chase:** No. No. We're NOT going to be listening to this guy all night.

**Foreman:** Do you want to do what we practiced earlier?

**Taub:** NOO! I love Sanjaya!!

**Foreman:** Fine. Chase & I will take care of this by ourselves.

_*Foreman and Chase head up to the stage, pushing Sanjaya off*  
_  
**Sanjaya:** Oh my fricking gosh. I'm fixing to have a B.F.!

**Chase:** What's a B.F.?

**Foreman:** a Bitch Fit.

**Chase:** Oh. Eh, well, it's Sanjaya. Who cares?

**Taub:** What the hell are you guys doing? BRING BACK SANJAYA!! _*begins crying like the Crying Girl*_

**House:** OMG, shut the hell up Taub!

_*Ryan Seacrest pops out of nowhere on stage*_

**Ryan:** Err, if you'd like to vote Sanjaya as the next Boat Idol, please call 867-5309. JENNY, CALL ME BAAAACK!

_*everyone cheers*_

**Ryan:** Now for your REAL dining room entertainment, Chase & Foreman from "House" will be performing a classy, entertaining duet…

_**CHASE & FOREMAN'S SONG: "I'M ON A BOAT" **_

**Chase & Foreman:** I'm on a boat  
I'm on a boat  
Everybody look at me cause I'm sailin on a boat  
I'm on a boat  
I'm on a boat  
Take a good hard look at the motherfuckin boat

**Chase:** I'm on a boat motherfucker take a look at me  
Straight flowin on a boat on the deep blue sea  
Bustin five knots, wind whippin out my coat  
You can't stop me motherfucker cause I'm on a boat

**Foreman:** Take a picture, trick I'm on a boat, bitch  
We drinking Santana champ, cause it's so crisp  
I got my swim trunks, and my flippie-floppies  
I'm flippin burgers, you at Kinko's straight flippin copies

**Chase & Foreman:** I'm ridin on a dolphin, doin flips and shit  
The dolphin's splashin, gettin e'rybody all wet  
But this ain't Seaworld, this is real as it gets  
I'M ON A BOAT MOTHERFUCKERS, DON'T YOU EVER FORGET!

_**END OF CHASE & FOREMAN'S PERFORMANCE**_

**Taub:** I'M ON A BOAT, BIITTCH! WHOO!!

**Ryan Seacrest:** Screw this. Chase & Foreman win "Boat Idol"!

**Chase & Foreman:** Yay! Epic win!

**Ryan:** That's all for tonight folks. I'm off to go make an idiot of myself elsewhere. Seacrest out!

_*Ryan Seacrest leaves, while everyone begins drinking & pAArtying*_

_**2 hours later…..**_

**Wilson:** jrhwemfbnjwmfiuqewrukqyewkjg

**Cameron:** Whaaa?

**Wilson:** I wanna go back to the room now. I think I'm drunkkkk _*stands up and promptly passes out on the table…without pants on*_

**Cameron:** omg, why aren't you wearing pants?

**Cruise Director:** Um, sir? Ma'am? I think I found your missing pants across the room. I think you thought the Macarena included a strip tease…

**Cameron:** Bah ha. Hey, wake up! _*pours a bucket of water on Wilson*_

**Wilson:** *_wakes up & grabs his pants*_ thank you sooooo much "ossifer cruise person!" Maan, I wouldn't want to get arrested for being pant-less again. Hey, where'd everyone go?

**Cameron:** I dunno, but I remember House saying something about finding Cuddy. Oh no! They can't be by themselves! They could be giving into their hot sexual tension that everyone can see except for them!

**Wilson:** Screw it and let them screw each other already. Let's just go back to the room, okay? I wanna go to sleep!

**Cameron:** Noo, I don't wanna go…I wanna be with House…_*passes out*_

**Wilson:** Dude, you're pathetic AND drunk!

_*Wilson somehow finds the strength to pick Cameron up, and carries her to their room*_

Meanwhile, at the front of the boat, House has been sitting with a drunk-ass Cuddy for an hour when she finally wakes up

**House:** Good morning, sunshine!

**Cuddy:** What the hell? What am I doing out here?

**House:** Erm, well…

_**FLASHBACK**_

**Drunk!Cuddy:** I want to go flying!

_*Cuddy runs outside while House runs—oops, WALKS—after her with his flame cane, because it makes him look like he's going faster*_

**House:** Cuddy, you're drunk. You can't fly!

**Cuddy:** Nonsense. Haven't you ever seen "Titanic"?

**House:** I saw the part where Kate Winslet got naked, but that's pretty much it.

**Cuddy:** Look, I just wanna feel the wind in my hair.

**House:** Then get a freaking fan!

_*Cuddy heads to the front of the boat. She climbs up the railing and raises her arms…and nearly falls overboard when…*  
_  
**House:** NOO! _*runs in slow-mo behind Cuddy*_

**Cuddy:** Oopsie!

**House:** Fine. If you're going to go all Titanic on me, then I'm going to hold you up.

_*Cue "My Heart Will Go On" while House & Cuddy are 'flying'*_

**Cuddy:** I'm flying, House! I'm really flying!

**House:** Yeah, yeah. Hey, can we stop the music now? It gets old after, oh, 10 years.

_*music ends*_

**Cuddy:** That was sooo much fun! *passes out on top of House, who gets knocked out cold*

_**END FLASHBACK**_

**House:** …and that's all I can remember.

**Cuddy:** That would explain why my ass hurts.

**House:** Thanks for the knot on the back of my head, by the way

**Cuddy:** Oops. Sorry.

**House:** Look, let's just go back to the room. I'm zonked.

**Cuddy:** Yeah, okay.

_*House & Cuddy head to their hotel room*_

_**HOTEL ROOM**_

**Cuddy:** Ugh, I've got a headache.

**House**: That's what you get for being a PartyPants.

**Cuddy:** So funny, House.

_*they both stare at each other with their sexual tension and stuff*_

**Cuddy:** You wanna kiss me, don't you?

_-fangirl SQUEEEEEE-_

**House:** Why do I feel a sense of déjà vu?

**Cuddy:** Uh….aren't you supposed to say something now?

**House:** Oh, right. I always want to kiss you.

_*they lean in to kiss when they hear a huge BOOM…and then feel the boat sinking*_

**Chase:** CRIKEY!!! THE BOAT IS SINKING!!

**Oh, you have to know what's coming up next, right? Stay tuned for the next chapter! Until then, reviews are love =]**


	5. Chapter 5

_**So I'm really rotten about updating. Sorry :(. I have to admit though, if I had had more reviews for the last chapter, I prolly would have been better about it. Just sayin'. LOL. Seriously, at the rate I write, I'll be done with this by………Christmas? Maybe?**_

_**By the way, I own nothing. Why do people mention this? If I owned House, do you think I'd be writing SPOOF?! NO! I'd be writing a very romantic scene in which House & Cuddy make out in each scene and the team do diagnoses in song. Wilson would also say 'carpe diem' a lot and recite lines from "Dead Poets Society". Haha.**_

Chapter 5: I Think We're Alone Now

_Previously, on "Lost & Found"…._

_**Cuddy:**__ You wanna kiss me, don't you?_

_**House: **__Why do I feel a sense of déjà vu?_

_**Cuddy: **__Uh…aren't you supposed to say something now?_

_**House: **__Oh, right. I always want to kiss you_

_*they lean in to kiss when they hear a huge BOOM…and then feel the boar sinking*_

_**Chase:**__ CRIKEY!!! THE BOAT IS SINKING!!_

_**The next day, House wakes up….he was sleeping in sand?**_

**House: **Whoa. What the hell happened? Oh no, am I hallucinating again? Damnit, David Shore, not again! Oh wait……I remember…

_**HOUSE'S FLASHBACK**_

**Chase:** CRIKEY!!! THE BOAT IS SINKING!!!

**Cuddy: ***_pulling away from House*_ Oh my God! What are we going to do?

_*Wilson, Cameron, Foreman & Taub also arrive*_

**Foreman: **Awh, hell. I finally act human and have fun for once in my life and now I'm going to die. Just fantastic.

**Wilson:** There's gotta be something we can do. House, what can we do?

**House:** I just had an epiphany. The boat is sinking.

**Taub:** Yeah, I thought we established that when Chase screamed "CRIKEY, THE BOAT IS SINKING!"

**House:** God, Taub, do you have to be so sarcastic all of the time? Sheesh. Look, I found a lot of life jackets at the end of the hallway when I was hiding Cuddy's clothes around the ship. I stole seven of them for us in case anything happened.

**Cuddy:** That sounds really OOC for you, House.

**House:** What's OOC?

**Wilson:** "Out Of Character." It's basically a term used for when fanfiction people write about you doing things that you totally wouldn't do on the show.

**House: **Whatever. We totally don't have time for this; we have to get these on NOW.

**Cameron:** House, I'm scared. Please hold me!!

**House:** Are you high?

**Cuddy:** LOL.

_*everyone puts on their life jackets and heads outside, where people are getting in inflatable boats*_

**Foreman:** this is SO not a kind of boat to be rapping about.

**Cameron: **Let's hurry up and get on a boat!

_*House & gang run towards a boat as a violin quartet begins playing Rolling Stones' "As Tears Go By"*_

**Wilson:** Haven't I heard this song before? What is the name of this song? Oh, it's on the tip of my tongue… AHHH, it's going to drive me crazy!

**House:** Hey, hey! Watch it…

**Cuddy: **We'll think about it later. We just need to get the hell off of this cruise ship before we're shark bait.

_*the House gang claim a boat as their own and their boat is dropped into the water along with everyone else's. As time goes by, the gang gets sleepy and falls asleep; they assume their boat, which was connected to everyone else's, would stay but they were wrong. Their boat drifts away…*_

_**END HOUSE'S FLASHBACK**_

**House: **Oh, shit! Cuddy! Wilson! Ducklings!

**Cuddy:** What are you yelling about—OH MY GOD! Where are we? Where is everyone else?

**Wilson:** This is bad. Very very bad.

**Taub: **Guys, I woke up earlier and realized that when we fell asleep, our boat must have floated away from the others. I think we're on a deserted island. Like, alone.

**Cuddy:** How in the hell did we sleep through all of that?

**Wilson: **IDK. It's unrealistic, but it's FanFiction *_shrugs_*

**Foreman:** I think we're alone now/ the beating of our hearts is the only sound…

**Cameron:** Ooh, a Tiffany reference!!

**Chase: **Crikey!!! How are we going to fend for ourselves? If I don't eat Outback Steakhouse, I'll lose my accent! I can't live without it!

**House:** My Vicodin!

**Foreman:** My pink, non-gay ties!

**Wilson: **My blow-dryer!

**Cuddy:** My baby—er, my hospital! Ooh, I forgot I didn't have a kid anymore…

**Cameron:** My picture of House that I kiss everyday!

**Everyone:** Huh?

**Taub:** My new car!!

**Wilson:** Okay, this is enough. We're in a situation, sure, but we can get through this! We're all doctors. We're smart—well, except for Taub, who's just annoying sometimes but also loveable. We can figure out how to survive without these things. We just have to work through this.

**Cuddy:** You're right. If Tom Hanks could survive in "Cast Away", we can totally do this!

**House:** But what about my detox?

**Wilson: **Oh, c'mon, House. We all know that you've needed to detox for quite awhile now.

**House Fangirls:** NO! HOUSE ISN'T HOUSE WITHOUT HIS VICODIN! HE CAN'T DETOX!

**Cuddy:** He's gonna have to detox in the psych ward anyway. He might as well just do it now.

**Wilson: **Okay, so here's what we do. Taub, Foreman & Chase: you go search the island for anything we can use to build a shelter. Also look for pointy things we can use as tools or something that we probably won't know how to use in its proper context.

**Foreman, Chase & Taub:** Okay. _*they leave*_

**Wilson:** Cameron & I will go look for food & water. House & Cuddy, you guys can search the island for caves and stuff so you guys can resolve your hot!Sexual tension.

_*House & Cuddy leave, and Cameron makes a face at Wilson*  
_  
**Cameron: **What was that about?

**Wilson:** I was telling you the truth earlier on the cruise; House is in love with Cuddy! They just need to freaking admit it to themselves already.

**Cameron:** You manipulative bitch.

**Wilson:** Grow up, Cameron! Maybe it's time that you realize that the person who is right for you is standing right in front of you.

_*Wilson stands right in front of Cameron*_

**Camson (or Wilmeron?) FanGirls:** Someone recognized our ship! Yay!

**Cameron:** Seriously?

**Wilson:** Seriously.

**Cameron: **Seriously, dream on. House is the one for me.

**Wilson**_**: **__*takes Cameron in his arms*_ I don't think you're so sure of that anymore.

**Camsons: **-EPIC SQUEE-

_*Wilson & Cameron's lips brush lightly when they're interrupted by a noise coming from the shore..*_

**Cameron: **what was that?

**Wilson:** I dunno......

_*Wilson spots a boat of the cast of "Grey's Anatomy" tumbling to shore*_

**Wilson:** OH, HELL NO! HOUSE! EVERYONE! GET BACK HERE NOW!!

_*McDreamy, McSteamy, McHottie, Christina, Meredith, Dr. Bailey & The Chief step out of the boat*_

**House:** Wilson, what the—oh you've got to be kidding me. Not again.

_*McDreamy does an epic hair flip that sends beads of water swooshing out of his hair*_

**Chief:** So, Dr. Cuddy, we meet again. How've you been since our last surgeon-off?

_**Ooh, another cliffie! I promise the next chapter will be much better. Why? Oh, let's just say there will be another competition between House & Grey's, and it'll have to do with a certain person's suitcase that has washed ashore the new island. What will the competition be? Will Ryan Seacrest randomly appear again in this chapter? Will McDreamy always be a loveable, hair-obsessed narcissist? Stay tuned for the next chapter & **__**REVIEW...please? **_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Okay, so I have a decent excuse for not updating sooner— I was working a lot last week, and then I spent time with some friends and then the family over the weekend. It sucks that summer is ending, but I'm psyched to see my roomie again!**_

_**By the way, I own nothing. Why do people mention this? If I owned House, do you think I'd be writing SPOOF?! NO! I'd be writing a very romantic scene in which House & Cuddy make out in each scene and the team do diagnoses in song. Wilson would also say 'carpe diem' a lot and recite lines from "Dead Poets Society". Haha.**_

Chapter 6: Bring…It…ON!

_The Grey's Anatomy cast has infiltrated House Island….what will happen?_

**Chief:** So, Doctor Cuddy, we meet again. How have you been since our last surgeon-off?

**Cuddy:** Pretty well…just dealing with the drama that comes with being on "House"…

**Chief:** I know what you mean—George died in the season finale and we didn't even know it was him until the last 10 minutes of the episode. While he died, Izzie flatlined, and we had NO IDEA if both of them were dead or what. Then we find out that TR Knight isn't coming back, so George is definitely dead.

**Cuddy:** Uh-huh. Well, you know, we've had our drama too.

**Wilson:** Yeah! House went crazy in the season finale and hallucinated sex with Cuddy. Then he announced it to the WHOLE HOSPITAL! We had wayyy more dramz than you did this season, Chief.

**McHottie/Army:** Yeah, well, I had an arc where I battled PTSD!

**Izzie:** AND I had hallucination sex with Denny this season

**House:** Yeah, but Denny's DEAD. Cuddy's not. That's totally different.

**McDreamy:** Meredith and I got married by post-it note at the end of the season while Izzie & Alex got married. That's pretty dramatic, right?

**Foreman:** Oh my God, McDreamy…who freaking cares? A post-it note? Laaaame. I'm dating a lesbian! WASSAAAP?!

**Chase:** LOL.

**Meredith:** Derek! Say something!

**McDreamy:** Uh—uh—whatever! Hey, we didn't even tell you guys about McSteamy sleeping with Meredith's little sister or Bailey's divorce…

**Cameron:** We don't care, McSexy.

**Wilson:** I can be sexy too!

**Chief:** HEY! Can we cut the crap already? Look, we had wayy more drama than you did this season, **Cuddy.** There's no way you can compete with us. We're simply the best (even though our hospital is actually ranked #12) because we have story arcs that make no sense in the real world!

**Cuddy:** Screw you, Chief! We can compete with you any day.

_*suddenly, Heidi Klum, Michael Kors & that Nina chick appear out of thin air…okay, and Ryan Seacrest too, just for fun*_

**Heidi:** Did someone say 'compete'?

**Bailey:** Just when I thought this day couldn't get any crazier, Project Runway comes onto our island.

**Heidi:** Ryan, would you like to do the honors?

**Ryan:** Good afternoon, Island! Today, the cast of "Grey's Anatomy" will be competing with the cast of "House" for a chance to be THE best medical drama on TV. How will they be competing? The answer….after this break.

**Everyone:** Awwhhh!

_*everyone is made to watch the new season 6 promo*_

**House:** Ew, who am I kissing?

**Wilson:** Oh my god, they killed Huddy!

**Chase:** You bastards!

**Cameron:** _*updates her Twitter…"I am on the island with every1 & love the new promo! HCam 4ever"*_

**Ryan:** And we're back, America! Heidi Klum is here with us to tell all of us today what the competition will be.

**Heidi:** Yes, Ryan. Each cast will create a dress made of only twigs & leaves. Then they will select one member of their cast to model this dress. They have 5 minutes to do sketch the design, and then another 5 minutes to create it.

**Ryan:** Ooh, sounds interesting.

**Heidi:** Yeah! Oh, by the way, the model can't be female.

_*gasp!*_

**Ryan:** All right then. You guys heard Heidi; the model HAS to be a male.

**House:** Who COULDN'T hear her? She screams everything she says…

**Ryan:** The time will begin…..right now!

_*the two teams scramble to find their male models and their dress supplies*_

_**TEN MINUTES LATER**_

**Ryan:**….and time is now up! Everyone will go to the runway and one person needs to tell us why they picked their model.

**Tim Gunn:** Make it work!

_*everyone heads to the dock that will serve as a "runway"*_

**Heidi:** Team House—who is your model & why did you choose him?

**Cuddy:** We chose to be our male model for good and valid reasons. One is that he's the tallest cast member; I mean, it's not like we're going to choose Taub, right? But the writer of this fanfic thought it'd be really hilarious to imagine House prancing around in a dress.

**Heidi:** Very good. Team Grey's Anatomy, who is your model & why did you choose him?

**Chief:** We chose McSteamy to be our model because…..he's MCSTEAMY! He'd also be very funny to imagine in a dress, but in an embarrassing way.

**Heidi.** Okay then. Let's meet the judges. As you all know, the guy sitting next to me is Michael Kors. He can't really dress himself, yet he loves to tell everyone how bad their designs are. The woman on my other side is Nina. Her last name isn't important. Our guest judge is….Andre from season 1!

**Tim Gunn:** Andre?! I haven't seen you since our date at Red Lobster! I swear you always throw those hissy fits….Andre? Where are you going? Come back Andre!!

_*Tim leaves to chase Andre down*_

**Heidi:** Okay. Let's start the show.

_*House walks down the runway to the tune of Lenny Kravitz's "American Woman" in a mini dress made of bamboo. The dress also has a green leafy belt and poofs out at the end. Afterwards, McSteamy walks down the runway to the tune of "Hungry Like a Wolf" in a floor length gown made of palm tree leaves.*_

**Ryan:** The runway show is now over. Judges, what do you think of Team House's design?

**Michael Kors:** Ryan, I thought the dress looked like someone robbed a panda of its bamboo & it blew up! Ugh!

**Nina:** It sucked.

**Heidi:** I'm just…I'm confused. What was your inspiration for the dress, Team House?

**Cuddy:** The dress is supposed to symbolize the journey we came through to get to the isla—oh, screw it. We just came up with something out of thin air because we're actual doctors who don't give a flip about fashion design. How can a dress be a symbol of something?

**Chase**: LOL.

**Heidi:** Is that all he's good for? Laughing? Ah, well, whatever. Judges, what did you think of Team Grey's Anatomy's dress?

**Michael Kors:** It looked like a hot tranny mess. In more ways than one, I mean.

**Nina:** It sucked.

**Heidi:** Can you tell me the inspiration for your dress?

**Chief:** Not really. Who won?

**Ryan:** The judges will deliberate, and we'll have the results…..right after the break!

**Everyone:** Awhh, not again!

*everyone watches the Mer/Der post-it note marriage while waiting for the deliberations to finish*

**Foreman:** I can't watch this anymore! My eyes! My eyes!

**Ryan:** And we're back!

**Chase:** Finally.

**Ryan:** The judges have voted and the winner of Project Runway is….

**Heidi:** NO, RYAN! This is my show & I'm announcing the winner. The winner is…TEAM HOUSE!

**Cristina:** How surprising. We lost a challenge in a House fanfic.

**Bailey:** Screw this, dude.

**Ryan:** Heidi, why did you guys choose Team House to be the winner?

**Heidi:** Both dresses were terrible; I wouldn't touch either of them with a ten-foot pole. We just liked Cuddy's answer better.

**Cuddy:** Damn straight. EEEK, we won! YAY!

**Heidi:** Sorry Team Grey's; Auf weidersehen! Auf weidersehen to you too, Ryan. You need to leave because you're just annoying.

**Ryan:** Seacrest, out!

_*he leaves*_

**McDreamy:** Let's go , guys. We have a lot of drama to create for this upcoming season anyway

_*McDreamy does a hairflip and the cast of "Grey's Anatomy" leaves, along with Ryan Seacrest*_

**House:** We won!! Oh my god, I can't believe it!

**Cuddy:** You BETTER believe it! Your modeling got us yet another victory over "Grey's".

_*she kisses his cheek*_

**House:** You want to take a ride on my disco stick, don't you?

**Cuddy:** Um…YEAH!

**_-FANGIRL SQUEE TIMES INFINITY!! IF ONLY THIS WAS REAL!!!-_**

_*House & Cuddy passionately kiss and head towards a secret sex cave where….well, you know*_

**Cameron:** Ugh, I can't believe he's going with Cuddy after all. I guess……they really DO love each other.

**Wilson:** They do.

**Cameron:** It's going to be so tough to see them together. I don't know if I can. At least last time he rejected me, he wasn't with anyone and I had Chase as my backup—I mean, my boyfriend. He could have always come to me because that door was open. But now that he's with Cuddy, I don't think I stand a chance.

**Wilson:** You know what, though? This is good for you, I think, to see them together like this. At least this time, you can move on.

**Cameron:** You're right. In fact….

_*Cameron leans to kiss Wilson, but he pulls away*_

**Wilson:** What the hell? You think you can tell me all of that and expect me to want to kiss you?

**Cameron:** Yeah, because I'm needy for attention & you love needy people.

**Wilson:** Hmm, you do have a point. Okay!

_*Cameron & Wilson make out*_

_**Meanwhile, in some random fandom place…**_

**Huddies:** Thank God, House & Cuddy are FINALLY doing the deed on the island. It ONLY took six chapters…sheesh.

**Hamerons:** NO NO NO! HCam 4ever! She can't do this! She can't be with Wilson!

**Camsons:** Hey, back off. Cameron & Wilson never had much on-screen time, but you know they should be togehter. Let us have our moment, okay?

**Huddies: **You Hamerons will see. Huddy is...whatever canon is!

_**Review, please! **_


End file.
